During every course I have taken so far at Liberty I come to a point where I am very near tears for being overwhelmed and certain I am; 1. Never going to be able to get all my coursework done. and 2. Going to fail the class. This is one of those times, again.
I'll just be real honest and tell you random thoughts on why I might cry at any moment this week:
*Around Monday of this week my husband said to me, "Hey we don't have anything planned Friday night do we?, Dear Friends A and B want to hang out that night." I thought that sounded like a great idea, until I looked at the calendar and realized my youngest daughter was turning three that day. I had not planned a birthday party for her, meanwhile her big sis turned five last week and we had a Halloween costume party with probably over 40 people in attendance. Talk about "second child syndrome".
*On top of this I have my heaviest work loads by far in both of my courses I'm enrolled.
*And if I'm being perfectly honest my husband and I have butted-heads twice this week! (possibly my fault, maybe a result of being stressed) I mean, we have worked it out, we're fine...but it is exhausting to me and mentally consuming to me to be in discord with my husband.
*Relatedly, I've been extra snippy with my five and almost three year old. I took them clothes/shoe shopping hungry and without a nap, horror of all horrors they had opinions!!! But I was so snippy...not mean really, it wasn't what I said, but how I said it. What makes it worse is they were being soooo sweet and they were obedient when I would ask them to do things. I just pray they didn't notice :-/
*My house is a wreck, like you walk through and it looks okay, but secretly there are piles of clothes/toys/random-things hiding in my room. Which makes finding certain clothes/toys/other-random-things very difficult!
*Several people told me "happy veterans" day yesterday. Which for some reason has never happened before that I remember. It makes me feel embarrassed because I know there are people who have sacrificed much more than me, but I mean, you can't say all that really. When I would say 'thank you' there was an overwhelming feeling of guilt!, Guilt that my sacrifice wasn't greater or that my service wasn't as difficult as other's, guilt that I didn't reenlist. It also caused my mind to wander and be "reminiscent" if that is the word. I don't want it to sound romanticized, because the good and bad memories are so strangely married together if that makes sense!
Let me just say, this is just one of those times in my life as an on-line student where certain circumstances intersect in one particularly busy week, and like I've said before, Life Happens! I will be fine, I know this from experience now. Sunday night will be alright!, next week the course load will be much lighter, the only thing on the schedule will be Thanksgiving!