By Susan Smith Nash, Ph.D.

While studies show that women tend to outperform their male counterparts in college and professional development programs, ironically, women are not necessarily capitalizing on what would seem to be a clear academic advantage. Despite the higher scores on tests and grades in courses, women do not necessarily study fields that will result in high-paying jobs, nor do they go on for male-dominated graduate degrees or professional certification programs that could open more doors. Instead, it has been pointed out in numerous studies and publications that women tend to self-sabotage by undermining their own efforts in myriad subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

Why do women self-sabotage? What are some of the symptoms of self-sabotage? What can be done? Perhaps the best first step is to identify some of the ways in which women sabotage their education, their career paths, and their futures.

• 1. Poor Self-Concept and Perfectionism.

  According to Katherine Rose-Mockry, director of the Emily Taylor Women's Resource Center at Kansas University in Lawrence, the reason that women perform well is also a reason why they self-sabotage later in life. The problem is a low self-concept, which results in a tendency toward perfectionism.
  
  "At an early age, women have internalized messages that in order to be OK, you have to be better, you have to be essentially perfect at what you do," said Rose-Mockry (2006).
  
  While on the surface, perfectionism may seem to be a good trait, in reality it blocks individuals by setting them up for failure. After all, nothing is actually perfect, and perfectionism feeds a tendency to be too self-critical and to be unable to delegate work, or to prioritize tasks. The unwillingness to delegate work (or childcare) and to make (and keep) school obligations a priority leads to almost certain failure, either in graduate school or in the workplace.

• 2. Relationships (Smart Women, Foolish Choices).

  Society conditions women to be nurturers and peacemakers. This is well and good, except when the balance is upset and women find themselves in dysfunctional relationships with "bad boys", "Peter Pans" (boy-men who refuse to grow up), abusers, and abandoners. The pattern is so well established the list of best-selling books is painfully long.
  
  Many of the titles are familiar: Smart Women, Foolish Choices (Cowan & Kinder, 1986); The Peter Pan Syndrome (Kiley, 1984); Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them (Forward, 1987); Women Who Love Too Much (Norwood, 1990); Ditch That Jerk: Dealing with Men who Control and Hurt Women (Jayne, 2000), etc.
  
  What do women's destructive and/or dysfunctional relationships have to do with education? A bad relationship is draining. Further, the kind of dysfunctional relationship that these books describe tends to tear down a woman's self-esteem, and/or create self-fulfilling prophesies for a woman who believes she is not worthy enough to succeed. It's sad, and women often throw away entire decades as they wrestle (and lose) to their self-hatred, which is only made worse in a bad relationship.

• 3. Imbalanced Family Obligations.

  Women are often the ones who pay the highest price in the so-called "sandwich generation." How many women do you know are trying to provide for their teen-age children while also taking an elderly grandparent or ailing parent to doctor's appointments, therapy, treatments, and more. Often, the women who find themselves shouldering the primary burden of the caregiving, are hesitant about asking other family members to help out. In addition to committing the most time to the family obligations, the same women will work overtime in order to pay the lion's share of the expenses. Needless to say, there is not much time, energy, or resources left for higher education.

• 4. Helping Others, Not Oneself.

  Putting others' needs in front of one's own needs can be a subtle way to self-sabotage. The short-term rewards (gratitude and thanks) can be very pleasant, and less stressful than taking on the risk of potential academic failure. The woman who tends to help others rather than herself may also find herself tutoring and mentoring fellow students instead of finishing her own homework or research papers. Staying in a major where it feels comfortable to nurture others, rather than switching to a major that is traditionally male-oriented is another subtle way to stay in a comfort zone with a very low glass ceiling.

• 5. Failure to Save or Engage in Financial Planning.

  A failure to plan ahead for the expenditures of college can lead to self-sabotage on two levels. First, there is a problem of inadequate cash flow. One has to continue to work full time and even overtime in order to pay basic bills. This does not leave much time for studying. Second, there is the problem of exorbitant student loan debt, which can certainly make life difficult in the future. Having too much debt also can result in the problem of being unable to even think of graduate school, because the prospect of paying off horrendous debt is so daunting.

• 6. Unwillingness to Invest in Up-to-Date Technology and Infrastructure.

  Perhaps one of the most tempting ways to economize is to keep old computers and dial-up modems, rather than up-to-date technology and high-speed Internet. While one might save a thousand dollars or so, one will lose critical functionality. Without an adequate computer and connection, college courses are difficult to negotiate. It is even more the case with online courses. Without a very good computer and Internet connection, online courses are almost impossible to complete.

• 7. Poor Time Management.

  Procrastination and allocating too much time to non-essential tasks are perhaps the most common ways to mismanage time. Of course, poor time management does not fall exclusively under the purview of women and education. However, because of the propensity of women (rather than men) to be in the sandwich generation or to assume primary responsibility for caring for children, women have unique time management challenges.

• 8. Workaholism.

  Workaholism may seem heroic, self-sacrificing, and a badge of honor. However, workaholism masks something much more insidious. It represents a kind of comfort zone from which one avoids the exposure to emotional risk that advancing one's education and career might pose. Being a workaholic is a great way to tread water rather than swimming into unknown waters. It's always a great way to become a martyr and to blame someone else (one's employer) for not formulating a strategic educational plan for one's life.

• 9. Misguided Goal-Setting.

  Have you set goals for yourself? Goal-setting can be one of the most powerful approaches to success. However, large, meta-goals without developing small, step-ladder types of goals along the way means that it will be difficult achieve the large goal. Good goals are concrete, measurable, and can be broken down into mini-goals. To make goal-setting work for you, it is important to acknowledge the achievement of the mini-goals and to reward oneself productively.

• 10. Poor Online Communication Skills.

  Finally, the issue of communication skills in an online course is more important than one might think. Both men and women tend to be affected negatively by poor online communication (a professor's harsh tone, non-responsiveness, or fellow students' rudeness). However, it could be argued that women may be more affected by cyber-bullying and cyber-stalking. In any case, women often simply drop out of classes rather than disclosing what has happened.

While both men and women sabotage themselves with respect to education, it is interesting to take a look at the differences between men and women, and their approaches to education and professional life. Until women become aware of the way that societal conditioning and gender roles may manifest in negative patterns which block one's professional development, it will be difficult to combat it. Women will continue to outnumber and outperform men in college, but only in certain degrees, and not in the workplace and the "real world".

Watch the Video of This Post

Please go to:
How Women Sabotage Their Educations & Futures, Part I

The second part of the video is located at:
How Women Sabotage Their Educations & Futures, Part II

Reference:

Rose-Mockry, K. (2006) "Women outnumber, outperform men in higher education" LJWorld.com, August 21, 2006.
http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2006/aug/21/women_outnumber_outperform_men_higher_education/?education accessed January 2, 2008

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