Tonight was it. At 7:30PM this evening I turned in my badge and credentials, I am no longer a law enforcement officer of any kind. What’s funny is all the adjustments I’ve never really considered until just recently. For example, now I have to wear business casual clothes, I don’t know if I even own business casual. I have suits, jeans and maybe a pair of Dockers or something somewhere but I have to dig them up and see if they fit. Secondly I have to buy a new wallet, my wallets have badge cutouts in them and holders for credentials. I also need a new belt, thus far they are all cross grained reinforced leather for toting a gun around.
Wardrobe considerations aside I need to change my workplace mannerisms. Cussing is likely no longer an option, it’s not like I’m working with thick skinned cops anymore. Secondly I’m going to have to work on actually (drum roll please) being nice. What? Nice? Oh for the love of… No longer does my rank, know how and experience speak for me. No longer am I in a paramilitary organization where some measure of gruffness from your supervisors is expected, oh no, now I’m back to the touchy feely side of the working world. That’ll take some doing.
Next I have to get used to being the new guy who doesn’t know anything yet. I haven’t been that guy in over 7 years. Asking for help (not my M.O.) is going to have to become the norm again. I may also have to change my language. Saying things like “M.O.” or “ten four” in everyday speech is likely going to raise more than a couple of eyebrows. I have to get used to being viewed like everyone else now too. No longer will my uniform be the first thing people see, instead it’s going to be me. How strange is that? I actually fingerprinted a guy just last week who has seen me several times in uniform not recognize me today in regular clothes. It’s more than clothing, it’s an image, a persona when you are in uniform. It’s like playing a role, now my role has changed.
I’ll let you all know how my first day of work was tomorrow night. For now I think I’ll bask in the glow of my melancholy mood. I am soon to experience something of an identity crisis I think.